1. You’ve just assembled your new Grillminator 500 and invited the whole neighborhood over to eat. That really annoying guy from down the street tells you to pour gasoline on the coals because he needs to hurry on to another party. You think:
I guess that could work. I don’t really know much about grilling, and I don’t want to look stupid.

Nah. Lighter fluid works fine. Besides, have you seen Annoying Guy’s lawn? He doesn’t even know how to run a mower.

Are you kidding? I would NEVER pour gasoline over coals. The gas vapors could explode! Why would I risk the Grillminator—I mean, risk my neighbors’ safety?


2. You need to get rid of trash or brush, so you:
Kick a pile together, dump on some gasoline, light a match and run. And hope the kids aren’t watching through the window.

Pay the teenager next door to haul it to the dump – the kid needs a job. And you don’t need another visit from those nosy neighbors.

The brush is a snap – you turn it into kindling with your bare hands. And there is no trash. You kill and skin everything you eat (except beer. You save the cans).


3. Your kids want to make a campfire, so you:
Hand them a gas can and a lighter and say, “Have fun. Just try not to light the dog on fire this time.”

Grab a pack of matches, send them scavenging for kindling, and then show them how to figure out if a teepee or pyramid fire would be best.

This is what you’ve been saving the beer cans for! Turn them upside down and set the kids to polishing the bottom with a chocolate bar. Sooner or later they’ll get a fire started (it might take all day but hey, it gets them off the Xbox). Next on the list of Survival Lessons By Dad - how to escape quicksand, combat army ants, and duck and run when the in-laws arrive.


4. The objects in your emergency toolkit include:
A can of gasoline, a spare battery for your iPhone, and organic trail mix.

A Swiss Army knife, waterproof matches, and duct tape.

What emergency toolkit? All I need is my incredible wilderness skills and my steely will to survive.


Check out the next quiz: The Man-O-Meter